Dead Bored.

AHH!!!
Im stuck at home with nothing to do!
I don't really want to study for my last paper. Its dreadfully boring.
I can't really bring myself to do it...
Besides my notes are in a mess.
Sigh..
Overwhelming sense of loss after most of the A's are over.
Geez why...
Maybe I just need to arrange more meet ups with peoplez. I guess that only comes after 25 which is the OFFICIAL OFFICIAL end for me. Keh.
Ok... Bleahhh
Despite my hate for routine. I've realised people do depend on it.
Now its just about creating a new routine.
But then again... 2 weeks isn't much time is it?
It shall be a haphazard 2 week. Full of random shit..
Whee.. I heard I'll kena 2 weeks confinement nooeeeezzz Lol
Interesting. Public holidays will be like heaven lol..
GAH i shld go get my notes arranged...
RANTZZZZZZzzzzz

The End and A Beginning.

Wheee A lvls are nearly over. I am down to my LAST PAPERRRRRR!!! On 25th muwahahah..
Haven't started studying yet though.. Damn it already in the holiday mood. Bleah.
Highly anticipating a huge feeling of liberation on the 25th.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!
I'll be slacking SO BADLY for two weeks before going in to PTP.
Desirable..
Bought a mega nice book called Spaghetti. It has 130 different recipes for standard Italian combinations for spaghetti. And its shaped similar to a standard packet of spaghetti! How cool is that?!
Ok yea.. Hmm
Lets see plans for Art in future.
Well since A'lvl art is nearly over. I'm thinking of going back to doing art in my free time.
After neglecting deviant art for about two years? Hahaha..
Musically. I guess I'll be more focused now. Although its tempting to pick up the Ukulele because its just SO cute ok nvm. I think I shld continue improving at guitar and harmonica first.
As for Spaghetti, I aim to try every recipe in the book -as the ingredients I can get permit me - by the end of my army! (should probably get a head start and try one everyday during the two weeks LOL)
Of course I won't neglect my language.. Reading consistently is a must for me. Not too sure about writing though. Best leave that to the ones who actually can do it.
Guess thats all.

Just a little self-reminder.

Tomorrow is the A-lvls day one. (No shit!)
Waiting for this day since nearly two years ago so it can be over and done with.
I don't have much time to slack after A's before I go into army (Shaddup Rahman SCDF Maht)
But heck la just make the best of A lvls.
After all, study so much already.. I can't say I know nuts. =.=
Don't panic, stay calm and Own.
And also don't let others get you into a panic.
First day is always the hardest.
The week will be over before you know it.
Lit and Art papers. NO slacking. Esp for lit.
Even if I can't get an A. I have to get at least a B grade.
Art. Nothing short of an A. I have so much time its the least I can do.
1 WHOLE WEEK Please.
CLB can go screw itself lol.

Minorities and National Unity
State Vs Market
Japanese Occupation
Authoritarian Government
Rise of Military
Role of Communists etc.

SBQ:
ASEAN Way
AFTA
Cambodia
Other random shit.

Kk.

Unattached Parting of Ways.

Today was Graduation Day from SRJC officially.
I guess I don't feel it now but I would probably look back with my fond memories of the people in the school friends and teachers alike.
Most will probably live on as but a memory.
Two years was really too short a time to be rooted and firm.
The non-religious atmosphere in SR gave room for more interaction without fear of crossing any religious borders.
The humble lot have made being in SR a decent stay.
And the zealous teachers deserve more pay.
My heart will always remain at SA,
But to the people I've known in SR, thank you.

2 more weeks to A'lvls and its all I've got. Perhaps I shouldn't look to the sky.
One has to be realistic when it comes to these things.
Its partly to ease the pressure and stress.
Besides my momentum during Mid-years was ruined by art coursework.
I guess I just let it slip.
What to do?
Whack lor, hopefully I still can attest to being a decent last minute chiongster :x
Luckily, I have a plan B lol...

When you start something you must always see it through... Thank you Ms Yeo for your words of wisdom. Hahah...

Music. Simple and Effective.

Woah, finally a post that ISN'T about whining heh.

Steven Wilson said, "You don't write from the intellect, you write from the heart."
I think this sentence pretty much sums up his music. While his songs are not overly complicated or flashy. They are very rich in sound quality. The kinds of tones he uses, the effects.

Gavin Harrison, drummer of Porcupine Tree feels that technically played drums is just a regurgitation of hours of practice. He too uses simple beats that are unique and effective.

Being able to feel the emotion of a song as a whole, that is great. But playing a single note and doing the same is a whole different thing. That is why Porcupine Tree owns.

Every kind of instrument has the ability, if played well, to produce a certain emotion. And it does not require a whole line up of shred's, double pedals, arpeggios or that flashy sweep picking to make it sound good.

Which brings me to ask, where is today's music going? Pop Music as it were. A way to make music accessible to the masses. Thats why its called mainstream. It attempts to remove the elitist element. Just like Pop Art. True the concept is different, and interesting. But does it then have detrimental effects on the quality of music or art produced?

Then again, music is subjective. What genre do you like? Which can't you stand? So different genres cater to different needs. You may have your criticisms but you still have to be some what accepting. And if nothing else it sure as hell makes a lot of money.

Yay Milestone done with.

Hurrah. My JC art journey...whatever... has ended and yea... Its good to get that shit off my back..
Its 12.30 past midnight and I haven't done GP...Zzz...
Really got to get my act together. Fast. Sigh... After weighing the options... It will be good to have a decent A lvl cert so yea, follow through with the plan of studying like a dog.

I want to be angry and get into a fury. Smash some things.. I need to vent my anger/ frustration..
Its not that difficult. I just have NO TIME! to play guitar.. Go for a jog ( hey don't laugh I know I say I will but I never go in the end but.. zz) bleah...
I'm really at a loss.
What am I supposed to do?
sigh...
Ok off to bed since im obviously not going to do my homework now...
at least this weekend is gonna be good... hahaah mega food at rahman's YEA!

Le Cordon Bleu Paris.

Lawl. My first time desiring something in Cert form.

But muwahahaha money has dealt a cruel blow.
47K PER Term, not including lodging, visa, insurance, food. GOOD GOD MAN!

The hell...
I know the school is god like la but what the shit...
Sigh..
Well paralleling this to getting into Harvard and Oxford and all I guess...
Its pretty outta reach.. :X
Fine.
Geez.
Settle for something cheaper I guess.
Gotta look around again when I have time.

Paris, you are just too damn freaking high-class for me. Sod off.

Take whatever comes to you..

And pride is just another way of trying to live with my mistakes
Denial is a better way of getting through another day
And silence is another way of saying what I wanna say
And lying is another way of hoping it will go away

Its been on my mind..

The FUTURE that is.

Well, after so many years of slacking and avoiding the problem.. It ain't going away..
Its just going to show up in my face so heck I have to face it.
Just what the devil am I going to do?
To be honest I don't want to teach.
I love lit, I love art and music. But guess what? I'm not a prodigy at any. I didn't have the hours and free time to put my heart and soul into these.
And fine I'm accepting of the time period im born in and the way the world is right now.
It seems like we won't have much of a great history to look back to.
No one is going to look back and say Hey the 2000s, 2010s... No I doubt it.
Life is GREAT and we're taking it for granted.
An Age of constant progress. an Age of peace.

Perhaps it was better when we had something to fight for.
Perhaps too much peace is bad.
I'm not advocating a war or anything...
But whats SO great about our time now?
What have we so marvellously achieved that we did not already intend/expect to?
Is it ever surprising?

Just waiting for 2012 to end.
Then we'll see.
Maybe something historic will happen. :)

I really have to decide what to do. SOON.
I was drilled into thinking science was interesting.
Its ... yawnnnnn...
I thought the arts would have something to offer...
I get all this high flown wish wash mumbo jumbo.

I'm well aware of my impulsive nature
I like to start on new projects and toss them aside and start on new ones..
It kinda sucks to not finish what I do...
Hahaha I guess thats me...

Bye bye shelter.
Thank you for keeping me safe from the storm
I guess from now on it won't be smooth sailing anymore..

Skating away~!

..On the thin ice of a new day!

Heh everyday is a new day filled with the danger of sinking.
Tread lightly and carefully.
Those who are able to derive joy from such peril
Are able to skate and have fun.

=/

SOD OFF!!!

The ship is too heavy to keep afloat.
Toss everything redundant out,
And Sail on to the future.

Seriously, I think its time to take stock of what we really want to keep in our lives and toss the rest out.
How is it really going to help? By being a burden?
I guess this pretty much is related to everything.

So many issues and annoyances in school.
SOD OFF WILL YOU
GROW A BRAIN and help yourself (haha Vegan)
No more time for trivialties.

'Life sucks. So suck it up.' HAHA So stolen.
Those that will journey along with you are the ones that will genuinely help you.
They're for keeps.
Monsters should be stabbed and hanged. (haha again at the Vegan)

Pretenders and liars all.
I highly doubt I'll want to see them ever again.
Its not an environment to gain life-long friends.
It is just another period of time allocated by the bureaucracy.
And life is pretty much not as restricted as it seems, in Singapore for that matter.
SOD OFF and STOP defining my life for me.
Really GET A LIFE and get OFF life support or any other life prolonging aids.

Going home to mug is a bad idea eh?
Sod off. Are YOU going to personally ensure that I get the hours without distractions or wastage?
Only thing I'm thankful for is the shortened timetable.
CT seriously? K whatever.
Why the hell are we in a cell? Until 12.30 in the afternoon anyway. What utter RUBBISH.
Quit assuming you HAVE to feed us as if we're morons.
Sure we are told we can do as well as the other students in the other JCs, we just lack determination and discipline.
Then why teach us any different?
Why does it look like memorisation (Vegan you are a Noob) is the way to go?
Higher order thinking my ass man.
A Fool's prescription is not helping.

Plan B looks so much more appealing right now.
I have to GET OUT.
NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!!!

Fed up. Are you?

Sigh too many expectations to fulfil.
I gave all, and so what?
I keep getting this shit.
Should I give up too?
Wouldn't you, you the reader love to see me join the ranks of the damned.

Lol at least my brother is helping me with the black vinyl sticker.
Then again recently we've been helping each other ever since I got sick and he became my maid (for that time) LOL.
Ah well..

I have to get away.
From home, from school, from expectations.. from Singapore.
RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
But then, it'll all catch up to me eventually.
So whats it worth to get a quick fix from a puff of nostalgia and euphoria?
Only to miss out later on.

Sacrifices have to be made now.
What I do may or may not come to anything eventually.
'Like a dog' I say.
My new motto for the A's.
If not I guess theres aways opening a Mee Rebus Stall with Rahman. Hahaha..

14 September. The Incident. Whoo hoo! =)
Arts becoming a huge drag. Got to get it done. Fast. Like now. lol.. Yes art is being done as I type.
I fear I may end up giving up. On everything. But whats new?
We're either Jaded or Deluded. That or you are probably TRULY like a DOG. A Machine. Ritual Routine Boredom.
Lit can just fuck off lah.. I'm not moving anywhere. This is as far as I'm getting without practice and just my own effort. A low B i.e. 15/25... Not bad I guess.
History. Wah lau I'm putting in the effort. So what..? Whatever lah..
Haha most epic. Failed GP
Failed MATHS! Ok that was mega mega disappointing. Sorry Mr Lim! Hahah the only awesome math teacher I will work hard for!
Art theory oso failed. Hahah... Tired deproved. I guess I should just get really worked up and emo and slit my wrists eh?
Ok nvm thats really too tiring. Doing something happy or eating happy food is better. And since I am usually alone when I'm down, I have the task of cheering myself up. Hah.

Really can't wait for the Incident. Something new finally. Steven Wilson FTW.
K I'm off to draw my tree.

Ginmink

To Love!
A proclaimation of mine own.
Konfusing as it is the word love,
Just another way of saying how I feel.

Up till now its been a gradual journey,
As cliche as it sounds.
It grows with each day.

In my drunk and aphrodisiac stupor,
I hail thee.
*Hic* <3
Cointreau.

But seriously, even if I'm not ready now.
I guess the good thing is that I don't mind the possible future together.
(Btw this is totally random. Shaddup Rahman)
We are who we choose to be.
And that is encouragment enough.

LOL! Qn Generator!!!

Stolen from Rahman.

1. What would you do if Jeremy and Rahman were going out? ( EPIC )

Eh wah lau employee and boss can have that kind of relationship ah?!?!

2. Can Deon be bad influence?

YES VERY.

3. Have you dreamt of JJ before?

Uhhh... no.

4. What would Abel not be caught dead in?

A porno movie. LOL

5. Who would win in a duel, Grace or JJ? And what kind of duel would they pick, anyway?

Uhhh Depends. But i'd put my money on JJ.

6. Who does Rahman like? ( EPIC 2 )
ME Duh?

7. How did you meet Bryan?

In Chinese class in primary one... :O

8. Super fun fun adventure amusement park marathon with you, Sherri and Deon! How will it go?

It'll be nuts... Both of them are crazy =.=

9. Describe Jing Ming in one word.

Top-Dog

10. What's Ms Yeo to you?

GODMA! =D

..spoon fell into my soup!

Gahhh.. the blogger interface is still not fixed. Bleah...
High fever, stomach flu and diahorrea for the past...2-3 days.
Its been hell especially the first night.
3 Blankets, my hoodie and no FAN. I still felt cold lol.

Evaded Chinese Exam.. Not that I planned this or anything.. Its all Rahman's fault for passing his sickness to me. Oh well..

Being at home with nothing to do... I got back to wasting my life away again.
Eat, Sleep, Play Com, etc...
But now that I'm better, I guess its back to LIFE. Whoopey Doo!

Not very enthusiastic eh? Maybe this whole idea of a construct and Identity has gotten to me. Where I think everything is pretty much made up. It all came from Nothing.
and so what goes up must come down,
What has life must also die.
Nothing to something to nothing.
An endless cycle, and its what you make of it.

With this well and accepted. What is a person to do with his/her life?
That whole tired thing is somehow still going on.. How much longer before I get out of this 'nest' and explore the world?
After all, I figured the only reason why we lack a greater right to how we want to live our lives is because in this age, as a general foundation of progress, development, technology, fast paced life, it is defined by others. Those who have managed to gain power over the masses. Why should they end up decided what we should do?
Aren't they infringing on MY right to life?
Individuality.
But the counter to this is that, those who live to kill have a right to do so?
Oh confounded world. Paradox after paradox. We want freedom and rights but what about morals?
So if theres pretty much no definite answer (as most people would conclude in the end).. then whatever lah...

Humanity has locked itself in its own hands. Yay.

I should just convert and be blissfully ignorant till I pass away. A much simpler and less mentally tasking life.

Rushing by..

Yep.. thats what prelims are... they are just rushing by. 3rd day is gone. Aside from that rather stressful and hand wrecking tuesday with art and history.. The exam timetable isn't that bad this time around.
Cheers. A compliment.
anyway, got caught up watching The Wedding Singer.
The show was ending with this kinda epic song so..

Video Killed The Radio Star - The Buggles (1980s)

Haha enjoy..

Wah damn. _ _ _ _ D!

Lol seriously damn sleepy in school the past few days. At times I just wanna K.O. can't even keep a level head in lessons... Just.. DYING.
Why la why. Damn weak lol

Ok la quite cool I'm doing work and studying or trying to everyday :D
Productive or not thats the main issue here.
Sigh, principal talked about plan B And C AHHHHHHHHH...
Seriously... might just go learn how to cook lah damn sian of what I do now lol..
Learn how to be chef not bad leh. :X but its just a side ambition... probably another hobby thing like ART.

What about going to poly LOL.. might have to go poly leh if dun make it to uni. Considering even if I put in godlike effort... 70 points not gonna cut it for the Arts course in uni lor..
Well it can be well assured that even though I will stray and do some really random and waste time stuff I will spend MORE time on studying. I just need to rant on how much effort im putting in because I've more or less resigned myself to the fact that I need to study.

I remember what JJ said last year..."Just do it, don't think too much.." Which turns out to be quite true. Get it over and done with. It will become somewhat mechanical but oh well. Heh also my math teacher says I got potential to do well :D :D Its hilarious how I slack for 1 and a half years in math... JUST to start owning Mwahahahah... Aiyah its time spent on it la really. I spent none so I got shit results. But mid years was epic. One day before maths paper. Hee. Am boasting about it.

Can't let Mr Lim down. Hes a dedicated teacher and a nice man. Beast at running oso ODAC monster. Lolololol

I'm worried about history... The days of doing well for history during secondary school are gone. Sim Keng's 'Favourite' Student LOL hilarious.

Heck la gotta think about what I can possibly do it future instead of going uni. Afterall its my life and I can't stay comfortable forever.

Bubble of life.

Bursting the bubble of life.

heh i rock cos i just came up with that. damn you all for being in such an anti-convention state.
- firstly, rebel without a cause? lol... doesn't really matter when everything is nothing anyway does it? Do we need a cause?

I figured, well thus far that... the word Nothing, is somehow a resounding 'image' in my head.
we shall all come to nothing,
and turn to dust.

So with that point of view, life is pretty much what the hell you want to do. But of course doesn't one need to consider the surroundings. After all there are many 'rules' that keep this 'reality', this human reality of life afloat. Hence, being a being in this made up world, how then does one react? By his own without consideration of circumstances, or first take into account the factors.

Meh I don't really know which way is better. It just depends on your preference. You don't have a safety issue? Go ahead, whack la. If you do (apparently I do, nooo) then abide for now? Bleah.
Been in this mood you clowns are in before.. It kinda reached the peak last year? maybe. Spanned since shit happened at home heh. Right now? Uhhh... im just too comfortable. I think i've mentioned it before heh. Maybe because after all the rebelling, my dad's no longer bugging me, my studies, my life has pretty much been handed to me on a platter. No curfew, hardly anyone at home can stop me. Up till now I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do... what course in uni. just a few recurring words... literature, philosophy... art? This inclinatio wasn't ingrained, but I guess it grew over the years and its what I feel and think that I like to do.

My bubble of life hasn't broken. yet. when shit hits the fan it will... just waiting.
...i bet I'll be lost and in a daze as usual =x

Oh! Tis' Foul.

Just woke up awhile ago... 3 am wheee...
I kinda like being awake at inhumane hours. Its peaceful.. I'd like some sunlight with this same silence but pah. Heh oh its cooling too.. *is wearing a jacket*

Sigh. It really is too sudden.
Is this some cruel joke that has gone too far?
Geez..
The pain you feel is unimaginable.
But stay strong and carry on.

Is this really it?

...sigh this is gonna come back and haunt me.
Yes fear the vagueness!

Its time to finish my work! I have been working diligently for two days now...
Nearly done with HISTORY...
Still have ART and LIT and GP OH My!
Hahhaha, I'm doomed lah..
.. self- contradiction is beyond annoying. GAH AHHH!!!

I fancy myself better off in an asylum.
Gone bonkers, just stuck alone in maddening solitude.
When the day comes... if it does... I do sincerely hope that something in my body, especially vital organs would give up and die so that I, would soon follow.

Sigh... it will be over soon... don't be hasty... another 40-60 years more.. to freedom and liberation! TO NOTHINGNESS! or hell. Ugh.
Just got to bullshit my way for that much longer :D
Bullshit gets you places. Hardwork... not as much..
Besides it also depends on where you wanna go.

Once the stone you're crawling under
Gets lifted off your shoulders.
Once the cloud thats raining, over your head
Dissappear.
Its the crashing down of hollow years!

the way things work.

Just be. Let it be oh Let it be.
Do nothing, and be accepting.
How do I live with it?
There is quite a lot that is out of place and wrong...
But its just too comfortable sitting here and doing nothing.
Suffer in silence or suffer alone either way its the same.
Shhh...
Don't speak. Give me silence, give me peace.
The day this voice breaks out,
The Lights will out.
The sky turned dark with no moon no stars,
This is my problem and I am guilty without a doubt.

Nothing Can Be Said.

IRONY!!!

Okay anyway..
As much as I'd love to stay out till late and party.
=\ I can't.

Theres nothing complicated about the system at all.
It is there, it works but makes people feel like shit.
Nothing means anything anymore.
Past, present, future.
What do I want?
Who sent me on this quest anyway?
There is none to blame. No greater being/ thing/ to acuse.
It is all a construct.
NOTHING
Just carry on and wait for sleep.

Chardonnay! 08

Hahaha shit wine lawl.. Ah well Literature.
Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.
Pretty awesome play heh. Although the archaic language doesn't really fit the modern setting. Heck lol. It was decently funny (yes shakespeare you have finally succeeded in making people laugh..gah)
and so tonight before I go back into Hell's Kitchen(tm) LOL
I say in a slightly tipsy frame of mind...
I shall do as much as I can for art during this holiday.
Attempt...ATTEMPT to complete holiday homework.
WHILE... try to have my own leisure time as well...
Tough eh? Yes I know =.=
Probably won't get half of what I say here done.

Oh I bought Blake's selected poetry! YAY!
A toast to JUNE! The month in 09' OF HELL, HOMEWORK and some SLACK.
fukitol. Gewdknight.

A Sky of Cranes

This is progress. Buildings, more buildings to replace old ones.
Places never stay the same and so you begin to question your memories.
Kick back relax. The insanity is over; maths and history in a single day. meh.
Hmm, I feeling like I'll actually do better this time.. Definitely put in more effort.
Popiah and Egg Tart. Yum. Simple food. Good food.
...wait for sleep...

Damn conforming to heck. No way.
Nothing but one soul.
The voice of the truly confused and incoherent.
and soon fade away...

you musta been SO HIGH!

Tool - The Pot



Interesting video >_>

Cloudless Sky

ahh, school is becoming a pain and a burden. Then again hasn't it always been?
Well... in SR yes =.=
Lets just say, its the only school (maybe its just jc life) that I've wanted to pon so badly.
Note: has perfect attendance in secondary school even when I was feeling unwell.

Heck. Moving on... the future is troublesome and daunting to think about. I see it as a way of preparing myself so that I don't need to think that much in future by pre-empting problems hm...
Really not sure what I'm going to do in future. I got my options but I guess I don't want to settle with something because I like to take things as they come. More spontaneous, not one who plans. Hmm, I guess that means I'm quite unstable... but not in a sense that I'm unable to balance on my own two feet but more uhh unpredictable? Meh.

And damn people in JC are catching on to my laziness. Ahhhhhhhh It is my greatest 'sin'.

Oh I am really self-indulgent. Fountain Pen? Really, in this scrimp and save, fast paced era... HA! but whatever screw convention. I say fountain pens are convinient... buy one stick to one just need to buy new ink bottle every... I dunno actually haven't used up an ink bottle yet. Saves me the trouble of buying refills though. See laziness has its benefits. :D

Ah well, just hope that when the fog clears I don't find myself in a shithole or quicksand or a dump or... yea you get the picture..

Spiced Chai... Getting out of this slump.

Hurrah! I bought Chai from coffeebean! and it tastes shiok lol.
But the best chai is still served at... Esplanade NLB cafe *nods*

Tea is fantastic really. Hahaha, depending on what kind of tea; different combinations, all can have a different and desired effect.

Yay, I finally started studying history, gonna keep going >_> two more weeks of hell as Ms Kwa so wonderfully puts. Art is gonna be epic too.. Wheee
The B grade thing is annoying.. heck aiming for A. Ms Chew is just gonna BURST i swear.

I'm sure my master plan will pay off this time.. I'm finally working hard lol..
Sigh... don't really know how or what to say to some people nowadays. Reconstruct, reinvent? Or decide to drop it?

and I'm really sorry for all the pang seying that has been going on. Esp to Rahman and Deon lol... you know me, I am willing to find the time.. school's just hectic. See you dudes soon :x

off to studying history~!

Fistful of Colours and a nation full of posers.

What the hell seriously. SG is Sooo damn messed up.
We try to embrace Western culture but keep our Asian roots/values?
We try so hard to be 'original' it becomes a trend.
We want what others have, hence a herd mentality.
Where has individualism gone? Heck has it ever been around?
Not a revolution but a Renaissance! Instead of making others conform to your ideals/beliefs, make people have their own ideas.
Who cares if you agree or not? All the more disagree. How else are we going to be different?
Painful irony about SG is it not?
Collective, conformist gah!!!
Education...
The Singaporean Identity, the great excuse, the blanket that tries to erase all segregation.
But guess what, we are still divided by race, culture, religion. You name it.
So damn it all, this construct.
A Lack of identity from within...
Unable to move on due to the annoying majority. Which mind you everyone has been part of, because we stand out as a nation, not as individuals. Even myself. Ahhh frustration...
I do not need your acceptance.
"I am not who I am."
Think about it.
The bureaucracy is tapped and wired.
Do we truly want to speak out?
Is Speakers' Corner given because there is no fear of someone who can actually cause change?
It is a mockery of our right to speak.
There it is, a physical representation of your right, but are you exercising it?
Sigh...
We have been figured out through and through.

The Silent Man

Creation upon nothing;
The birth of an idea.
No one needs saving
In this dreaded place we appear.

The cat has two antlers,
The dog has webbed feet.
Merlot from the French Cellars -
High, as high and sleepy.

We meet again,
Bows bent and drawn.
And to my disdain
Your hair is ripped and torn.

I walk down the path
Which I take every day,
And I notice soon enough
This small tuff of hay.

Smouldering in the bristling heat -
O' mighty Apollo!
His rays of heat meet
And disintegration soon follows.


Uhh... have fun. Wasted day in art... didn't get anything done. Tomorrow is RockFest! Yay! Performing with this crazy bunch is rocking. Who knows what kind of nonsense will happen tmr?
Meh... but for now homework...

Mug on... Mug on...

Stunned.

Just watched a documentary on A. Crowley..
Really really really shocking. His ideas, actions... EVERYTHING. Geez...
I mean sure I'd like to be able to do whatever I wanted but there is still a need for some order in life.
He was a man really into what he wanted to do. Very much an active participant in his life. Taking control of it. Did he know the consequences? Or did he just not care?...

I'd say I'm a passivist. More or less not really active in anything. Lazing about all day long. Gave up on many things. One of which was religion. Ugh.. Then there was the Ayn Rand period of time. What the hell seriously.. Guess I'm too afraid to do anything really. And yet I'm also quite a daring person, depending on how you look at it.

Ah what the hell.. I have my issues and they are being put on hold for the time being so I can complete my bloody studies. Wonder whats going to happen after that... I'll be free after A's. Shit I better pass my Napfa.

Trying to keep my sanity in a world full of false fronts, and trying to stay true to what I say.

Slept TONS!

Whew.. just officially woke up.. 3pm. Slept last night at 11.30pm.
:\ Just couldn't get down to do any work when I woke up in the morning... so I went back to sleep. I guess I just needed some more rest. I finally got up and I've got a long weekend ahead with tons to do. Homework mainly and catching up. Geez

Well its not too late. I have been paying attention more in class, I've gotten out of my slump working towards being on the ball for lessons. All you need are simple good habits!
Onward to better essays and more maths questions attempted during Maths exam :x

Ah yes, PW.. I got a B. Fairly ok IMO. Its just how you look at it really..
I could emo about the B but meh.. and I pretty much know where I screwed up lol.. It was during the Oral Presentation :x

and what the.. why are the lit teachers hounding me and using the B grade against me...
Look I'm happy I got a B, I never said anything else after that. Why the hell do you keep pestering me about it?!?! Leave me be to do my work, maybe I'll get another good grade for the next lit essay who knows? I can't guarantee that yet =.= But the pressure is not helping..

Ah well off to read history!

Flaw

Bah its getting really irritating, myself.
I always have a tendency to start on something, eg a project and then stop half way... and move on to starting something else. Nothing seems to be getting done.. Bad management/ discipline.. GAHHH!
And my ideas, pfft, if you can even call them ideas are so damn disparate. Its all over the place. I find it difficult to categorize ideas or for a common theme. And because of this my Coursework for Art is sufferring. Hella lot. I need to get stuff done by this week. If not. GG So, top priority this week is art. Of course get some studying done but still.

On a side note, this is bad long term, really. Rahman save me! AHH!!! No more tired. Have to stop having the slack mentality. I'm gonna cha... ahhhh...ti... CHANGE!

Disgusting.. really disgusting.
Sigh disheartening day tis was... Had no face to talk to Ms Kwa at all. Didn't even say bye when I left. . . Its not that im sian of art... I'm sick of my attitude, and my ideas. I need to rethink a lot of them and discard most. Get rid of prejudices against certain categories of people. Lawl. This also means I'm not going to sleep well for the next month or so and not want to go out much. Meh so be it. I have to change.

Brands

Guitar BBQ!

Woah! I never knew the new J1 batch were such fun people. Hahaha, they're really great... Not to mention they can play guitar with a decent amount of skill =)

Games were hilarious. Esp the dress up game, some of the guys were really enthu like Moose. Lol!

Then the seniors came back, hahah I was told that they're a friendly and extremely fun bunch. Maybe I should have participated more in Guitar Ensemble. =\ But due to my prejudice ah well.

Suchen Christine Lim came to our school to give a talk today. Heh, but in general she was just trying to tell us that she was way past the text she wrote 15 years ago (which we are currently studying). Hahah..

But oh, the complications. Oh the effect of the Divine food. The... happy food. Gotta go to Hard Rock cafe soon on Acoustic Night. =D

Now I shall go get myself a swig of baileys before I leave.
Mental note: Damn sweet potato is good. Mmm

Funny Dreams & A Tired State of Mind

Ok so... I had this really funny dream the other day... where I was being chased by some mafia mob people in a shopping mall. :\ silly thing was, I was getting shot at but I wasn't dying. Oh well.

And I thought A Tired State of Mind would be a somewhat possibly cool album title. =x
But nonsense aside. Pathet marks for CTs man. But on the plus side I got a B for an unseen poetry essay for Lit. :D :D
That and I got a D for GP which is quite good. Got to aim higher for a B or something heh.

Onward to tomorrow's CCA games plan. And BBQ yum yum.

sadly the one week break wasn't enough to meet up with some friends. But it was good nonetheless. Thank you guys for just chillin' and thank you Rahman for your cooking skills :D

Back to school week one. Already its getting fked up.. With extended timetable slots. Sigh. I get home everyday at 7. How the fishcake do you expect me to study... AWAKE. =.= Its bloody tiring lah morning till evening in school. And a Two day Study break isn't going to cut it.

Meh, but we all have great teachers in the school. Really crazy teachers actually... Hahaha

Heres a poem because I haven't put one up in a long time.


The Day Is Done

The day is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me
That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,
That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain,

Come, read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of day.

Not from the grand old masters,
Not from the bards sublime,
Whose distant footsteps echo
Through the corridors of Time.

For, like strains of martial music,
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life's endless toil and endeavor;
And tonight I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart,
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start;

Who, through long days of labour,
And nights devoid of ease,
Still heard in his soul the music
Of wonderful melodies.

Such songs have power to quiet
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.

Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.

And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow [1807-1882]

Wasted Time

Whoo hoo! I'm stuck on this song titled Wasted Time by Edguy.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Its a sexy song...

Swordfish Collar and Baked Ginza Salmon.
Mmm Ok la wasn't bursting after the Swordfish Collar. It was... filling. Bursting would be 25-30 plates at Sakae Sushi? Muahaha...

Freaking Common Tests. Whatever, to heck with it. I'll just study as much as I can. Go for the damn thing. And look forward to getting back in touch with Guitar, Kenjutsu, Wing Chun, Philosophy, Books in general, Harmonica (If I have time).. oh and studying..

I'm quite shocked with recent events..
Thoughts like what the f*** am I doing and... well yea.. AHHH!
Its really interesting to find someone who thinks the same way.. How self-centred of me but ah well...
It is an inescapable fact.
In any case I shall say this again... but note the connotations are not what they seem..
I'M DOOMED!!!
Other than that, life is just getting better.
Whee...
was it all?.. meh.

AHHHHH!

Life is a joke. Really. Its just too funny to be moping around feeling sad and sore.
Much has happened over the past two or three weeks. My head and my heart has gone through a rollercoaster in hell.
My aching head..
Its not helping that the doctor said I have high blood pressure? :S
Or maybe I just get angry a lot eh?

I need to calm down. Chill. I need to . . . channel my energies into music.. lololol...

On another note. People come and go in life.. Its not up to you to decide really... Its just how things are. Painful yes but ah well..

I guess I've got my life back, currently the phase is to pick up on things I dropped when I started all that nonsense... It is hard to re-establish yourself with other people. As much as I wished I had made a better decision, it is a bit too late to regret now.

Hahaha But this week has been swell. Ms Toh is into Dream Theater?!?! WHAT?! *screaming inside*
R & D are... no more. *bloody headache*
I have a God ma now! Yay! =S

and so I live and hope for better days to come =)
15 days. It begins. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Take the Time

Ah... I am so relieved today. :D
Record timing sia one week to get over someone. (Ok la quite obvious but who cares, it shall remain hopefully ambigious)

Thank you for being understanding..
I think I've said & done every single stupid thing imaginable.. or not but still its quite a list.

From my point of view I've gained somewhat a victory =P
Just hope time doesn't pass too soon this year.. Else I'm going to miss being around you too soon.

Right now I'm just so damn screwed because I have a test tomorrow. No wait. TWO TESTS. And Lit rehearsals. BACKSIDE LAH =.=
But I'm glad to be back to being me. Whoo hoo! Kk tired.

- WJ

Confucius he say, "Man who rides on a boat full of holes has sinking feeling."

Alright. Just a little Confucius joke.. Its epic because it has a one two punch. :D

Anyhow, so far life has been hectic with performance practice.
And yet it has been rather.. ok VERY funny. Especially for the actors preparing for Lit night.

Shakespeare... is one sick sonuva...

Its been very tiring. Zzz everyday KOed sia...
I should watch Chaos in Motion tonight.. Been waiting ever since the week end.

Ok just realised what a useless guitarist I am. *sigh* I can't even strum well. Wtf. Ok self doubt moment... lol

One thing though, I really need to stop all this dead end thinking. Its a habit already. I want something concrete, evidence, proof, confirmation. Its a good thing but sometimes its bad.
Got to loosen up a bit too... yea... And its really annoying when other people get involved. Screws things up.
Mental note: Leave options open, nothing is set in stone...

Theres still some left unsaid... Until a better time arrives.
please work out in a favourable way... hahah is it really too much to ask? Bleah whatever.

The hannah is going away. Begone girly-like thing, you have been a pest! Now Shoo!
ok tired. zzz

Just to keep tabs

Heres a list of songs I WILL learn in no particular order...

shallow sleep - Hyde
californication - RHCP
betterman - Pearl Jam
romeo and juliet - Dire Straits
Fields of Gold - Sting
On Every Street - Dire Straits
Evergreen - Hyde
虹彩 - alicenine
silent man - Dream Theater
By The Way - RHCP
Niji - L'Arc En Ciel
Life - YUI
Hollow Years - Dream Theater

Thats about it so far..

Managed to learn two songs in the past...3 days? =\

Lazarus
Solitary Shell ( just awhile ago, minus the solo)

Gotta relearn some songs too...

Pure Narcotic
Blackest Eyes
Scarlet Rose
Wish You Were Here (solo)

Okie dokie.

Went for walk about..

Those who have watched the movie Australia will know the significance of the title.
Anyway.. As I ended up realising, wanting to go to the botanical gardens is something you have to do yourself.. *sigh*

Probably why I chiong through the whole place in about 2 hours?

Haha, I was really impressed with the place, with all the upgrading they've done so far. Fuh.

I haven't seen the Eco Garden and the Jacobs _____ Children's Garden yet though. I was simply.. too.. yep you know its coming... tired.

The National Orchid Garden was... FANTASTIC! except for the breeds of orchids that were named after certain people Singapore is on good terms with. Those were rather... weird. meh.
$1 well spent hahah..

Once I reached the visitor centre I was damn tired and hungry. So I ate... and left! Lol... took a cab to Sommerset then went home to slack..

Later on went to meet JM and Grace for dinner.
Mr Curry lawl. No money to pay on the spot so... yea the two of them with CREDIT CARDS went to draw moneys. I owe JM money now. $12 =(

then went to talk at some nice steps alongside a historical river.

PHOTO SPAM TIME!

Music C'est la vie!

Harmonica!
Yea! Well I'm thinking of picking up the harmonica since I've been looking for something easy to express myself with. Other than whistling which is fun but :\
And since I'm not there yet with guitar. I'm hoping harmonicas' gonna help.

Not sure which one to get though but I ended up watching a heap of videos on the harmonica and read up on it.
Its recommended I get one in the key of C to begin with. Preferably one with 10 holes.
Lots of mouth/tongue action going on.. lawl.

Its really great that I picked up guitar at the end of 07, along with Kenjutsu. Though I'm still a beginner at both. It has kept me occupied and away from my online gaming tendencies. Time spent on that I reckon could have been better spent doing other things. Considering I started reading quite late? Yeah.
Fear of A Blank Planet eh?

Got to get to the jamming level. *sigh* whenever thats gonna happen.

Oh I heard this super cool line from Yoda while I was watching tv..
he said, "You must learn to let go of the things you fear to lose the most..."
Cool eh? Whatever lol. Its an Abel thing I bet.

Well I'm looking forward to Tuesday.
A walk in a huge park lol.
Aim of the day is to... Relax... So yea. Just slack (one of the things I'm better at :P)
I guess food is my responsibility so I'll get that down tomorrow.

and having a tired attitude towards everything generally makes you calmer because you don't give a crap about much. :\ its not good all the time though.

Lit project tomorrow with the guys.
Wake up early ...
Right.. and Frost* is pretty rockin'

One ridiculous dream after another..

Whoo hoo spent the day sleeping..
I think I went back to sleep about 5 times? And each time it was some crap retarded dream.

Still have to get history done by tonight.
Having nothing to do/ not wanting to do anything equates to a really dull point in life.
Like right now, but at least im awake.

Meeting Rahman in a few days to mug. That'd be good. Haven't spoken to him in awhile. Haven't studied in ages. What with all that crap about studying during the holidays turned out to be a lot of fun instead. Which is good but like having too much alcohol the night before, right now my head is really messed up.

and if I manage to muster the enthusiasm to go to the Botanical Gardens, heck yea I'm going. B says that place is powerful now lol.. Yes powerful is a new word that has caught on.

its really time to start focusing on doing well for A's
Much thanks to Ms Yeo and Mdm Robyn Wong in 08.
Haha lawl, I won't even be taught by my CT this year because she teaches Econs.

Well after the rebellion of 08. Even though my dad hasn't changed, there has been less hoo-hah at home. Or maybe thats because I've been out a lot. Ah figures. I don't feel like I'm a part of the family anymore. Don't even take part in family gatherings as much as I used to. Much as I fought (literally) for something good. All that, meh it seems I've given up already. They need to get over their own problems and issues. I was never involved in this fight to begin with, hence why nothing I do affects it.

One things for sure, to quote JJ, the one constant in the World is Change. As with life, everything progresses. For good or for bad. Back when I was talking to this nice lady in the hospital, whom my aunt paid to talk to me. She said that I would have to be prepared to accept that my dad would carry on this way. So, over the years.. with all the fights and arguments, my mom is tired. So am I and so is my brother. Haha, I bet my dad feels sian also. Hopefully he gets sick of it enough to turn it around. =.=

In other news. Congrats to Bryan for knifing his finger. Oww that looked like it hurt a lot. We were relating it back to that short clip we saw in the theatres about not being focused lol.

Well, enough of that talk. When it comes down to it, one has to do something; make a move. For some things I'm glad that I tried. Whether I failed or succeeded or that I am still trying. At the very least, some effort has been put in.

Off to do history. Gah. =.=